Linking you to resources and support in the lung cancer community!
Grasping at straws
My last 10 months have been a blur. My wife was dx with stage IV lung cancer (Feb 24th 2011) and we have spent the last ten months in doctors offices, having scans, chemo treatments, blood work, follow-up vistits etc...We have two children (8 and 17yrs old), we help run our own business( a family farm), and I am running out of fuel. Just looking for others who may have ideas on how to cope with the stress. It seems like life is almost in a holding pattern and we are just waiting on whats gonna happen next.
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Permalink Reply by Suzi on -
Wish you & my husband could talk, Picaso, as he's in your spot & I'm in your wife's. We have a sm. family business & I've been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. We're largely responsible for the care & welfare of 2 young granddaughters. We're having financial problems not only due to medical expenses & insurance, but from earnings lost to to time off work for both of us (him to take me to appointments, etc.). I'm sure he feels he can't voice all his concerns to me because he doesn't want to add to my anxieties. Sometimes his stress manifests itself in back pain, which makes matters worse, and he doesn't have a friend he talks who could listen, express concern, etc.
Know this doesn't help with your problems, but at least you know you're not alone. I will say, from the other side of this equation, that I wish my husband would talk with me about his worries and concerns. They're probably nothing I don't think about myself, and we could share ideas and comfort one another.
All my best to you and your family.
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Permalink Reply by Picaso on
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Thanks for the words of encouragement. It is nice to know that most of my feelings are "normal". I cannot imagine what you two are going through why should I burden you all further with my feelings? My wife's world is falling apart I must be strong she cannot she me waiver. She will have to know she can count on me.
We have been dealing with this thing for about 11months now and my wife is in good condition and I am already running out of gas. With work, kids, pets, house cleaning, cooking and other chores I am running out of gas! If your husband has any particular way of dealing with stress I would love to hear it. I know I try and find delight in the smallest situations, I no longer get upset when my 8 yr old eats crackers in our bed! Life is too short for that. Thanks again Suzy, you and your husband will be added to our prayers.
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Permalink Reply by GADawg/MOD on -
Hi Picaso,
My mom was diagnosed with stage IV LC 6 years ago. My father and I are her caregivers. It's definitely an adjustment, being a caregiver. I basically put my life on hold and devoted myself entirely to my mom's care- doctor's appts., scheduling tests, you know the drill! And the uncertainty that comes with cancer- it always seems there's one more scan that will give you the answers. It's a lot of "hurry up and wait". Also, as you know by now, cancer has a way of affecting everything in your life- your family, your business, everything. Well, I eventually ran out of steam. I felt like a lot of things in my life were spinning out of control- my mom's illness, I wasn't paying enough attention to my marriage, myself, etc. It's so hard to make time for yourself in the midst of all this. One thing that really helped me was I started seeing a therapist that specializes in grief and terminal illness. I resisted going, because I thought therapists were for "crazy people"- not true! We all need a little help now and then during different times in life. In my case, I was 29 when my mom was diagnosed, so I didn't have a support system around me that understood- all my friends' mothers were in their 50s and 60s and perfectly healthy. No one I knew my age could relate to what I was going through. Perhaps this is the same for you? You have 2 young children, I imagine you and your wife are on the younger side and maybe folks in your social circle aren't going through anything similar? We all need support and someone who understands. I've been going to therapy for 2 years now, and I proclaim it proudly. I know my mom will still pass away, I know therapy doesn't do anything directly to help my mother, but it helps me help her. It helps me deal with all the things that come up in this crazy world of cancer. It helps me work through feelings, obstacles, everything. It gives me a compassionate and knowledgable person to lean on. It's the old "put your own oxygen mask on first" rule. It's really true. That's just my two cents. My mom can continue to lean on me because I'm leaning on my therapist (as well as my husband!). I wish you well, I know how hard being a caregiver can be. Good luck!
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