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Limitations and how to deal with them
I have always been very active physically and I look like I am physically fit. Well at least as a normal 50 something looks. But since treatment and surgery my lungs limit me a lot in certain activities. I know this is probably more of a guy thing but I'm sure the ladies out there have the same issues.
You know like your in a store to buy something and it is kind of heavy but not bad. Yet to carry it to the register or even put it in the cart can make you out of breath. Or the kid working in the store wants to help direct you personally to an area in the store where an item is located. He's off to the races and by the time you keep up with him you are out of breath. I just can't admit to them I need them to slow down because I don't really want to explain why I can't. Does this make sense to anyone or am I in need of a therapy cession.
It still even after 12 yrs dealing with this I can't get my mind around that I'm not what I was. Maybe it's more of a mid life crisis , I don't know. I hope someone here has a tip or two or at least a little reassurance that it is normal to feel this way. I would never admit this to anyone who isn't dealing with these limitations because we all know people will just try to placate you and say something well meaning but not really helpful.
Just wondering.
God bless,
John
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by marilyn on -
Dear John: In this site I have mostly asked questions and sought advice. This is my opportunity to help. I, too, was very indepentent and never asked anyone for help. Having a lobectomy brought to me to my knees and often tears. It's been six months and while I've regained some of my prior strength, I often become breathless and am extremely limited when it comes to moving/lifting heavy objects. Along with slowing down, learning not to sweat the small stuff, I came across the unexpected. PEOPLE LIKE TO HELP. At Home Depot I now ask for help by saying "I'm fighting lung cancer and cannot lift this. Could you help me?". I don't know what causes this, but people smile, load the vacuum cleaner into the basket, ask me what else they can do, and they're smiling. I always get the same response. Think of how you felt when you helped someone in the past. You felt good! I know you're a guy and it's hard asking another man to help you. You might want to put aside your feeling of lost machismo and look at the bigger picture - people can be wonderful. As an aside, if someone is super helpful, I write or email the manager and praise that employee. As far as becoming breathless I now divide jobs into quarters or halves. If I'm painting a room, I do one wall a day; if I'm vacumming, I do one room, rest, then do another. It's impossible to do it all at once and only leaves a person tired and worn out. I gave up on hiking and replaced it with strolling, I can't bring in a marlin anymore, but I can sit in the sun and quietly enjoy the day. I was on a plane recently and tried to lift and put my bag in the overhead compartment. It fell out, hit me in the head, and knocked me back into the seat behind me. I started crying (sounds like I'm a wimp), I said "I'm fighting lung cancer - I can't do this". Amazing reaction - the people in the surrounding rows jumped up, stored the suitcase, joked with me, and made me laugh. They cared, they helped, and everyone felt good. I don't know what it is in this me, me, me world, but people are still terrific.
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Permalink Reply by Diana48 on -
John,
I know how you feel because we carry our physical limitations on the inside where people cannot see them, they do not understand because we look so fit on the outside. I know I get dirty looks when I pull my car into a handicap spot and get out but if I had to walk very far, I would be panting. I have asked people help in loading things but then I am a woman so it does come easier for me I am sure. You are normal John.
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Permalink Reply by John H MOD on -
Thank goodness I'm not alone in this and thank you Diane for letting me know I am normal . Sometimes I feel I shouldnt complain since I am still alive and able to do a lot. It feels though like I'm trying to hide what I am. Sometimes I think It would be easier if I wore a scarlet letter that symbolized lung cancer survivor needs assistance sometimes. I own a small landscaping company and what I havebeen doing is to bring someone capable with me to pick up items or I send them when it is something specific that they can't mess up. It works but it is a cost that I have a hard time covering in this economy. But as in living with lung cancer we all have to accept something's we never thought we'd have to. I just need to vent sometimes even after all this time of survivorship. Thank you guys for answering and helping not only me but I'm sure others who have the same thoughts but remain silent because they don't want to appear ungratful for being alive when so many don't.
God bless, John
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Permalink Reply by brooklynda on
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Dear John:
What helped me the most with this issue was when I explained to a friend how reluctant I was to ask for any kind of help she just said 'You've never thought anything about helping anyone else - it's just 'your turn'!
Blessings!
Brooklynda
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Permalink Reply by jc123 on
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John, this may sound crazy to you but exercising has helped me so much. When I started to exercise I could barely walk on the treadmill 5 minutes and now just a short while later I can easily do 45 munutes, do zumba, am lifting weights. The more you move the better you will do and feel. Believe me I have never been an exercise lover, in fact I hate to exercise, even now, but it makes me feel so much better and has improved my lung capacity. When I get winded (which I still do) I just back off a bit until I get my breath back. Try it you may love it. Good luck
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Permalink Reply by sljohnson on -
Me too! I could not walk any at all without panting for air. I started exercising and building up my strength, I now do an hour Zumba class and walk at least 2 miles every day. I am stage 3a adenocarcinoma that has had my entire left lung removed. Hang in there and strive to do alittle more each day. Prayers to you John!
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Permalink Reply by Carolyn on
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Hi John,
Yes I know exactly what our talking about. I am a 67 yr. old woman, and can't do things I have been able to do for a few years now. We went golfing last week end, I never use a golf cart and this time I did and I was still tired. It really ticks me off to say the least. ( I have not golfed for a year )
I have copd and had my right bottom lobe of my lung out Dec. of last year. We do a pet scan next month to see if anymore cancer shows up.
I think it is normal the way we feel. That does not mean I like it. Plus I have to stop and think I am also getting older so I guess I am supposed to have to slow down anyway.
I think what we can do we do it and thank God that we can still do it and what we can't do we just know we can't. Wow this is just wonderful. I know it isn't helping me. lol I do hope it helps you to know that it is normal.
God bless
Carolyn
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Permalink Reply by John H MOD on
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Hi Carolyn, hey give yourself a break. If you haven't played in a year and had surgery in the middle it sounds like you are doing awesome. I just get frustrated some days. I feel much better due to a lot of help from all you great people here. No one can sympathize with us. They just haven't been where we are.
God bless, john
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Permalink Reply by Carolyn on
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Hi John,
Thank you for the message. That was very kind of you. I do appreciate it. We just have to know our limitations and that is that I reckon. Yesterday I felt like packing my suitcase and just running away. Did not care where. I think right now I am on the pitty pot. I sure do. In fact I know I am. I have a new great grandaughter coming any day now. I can't leave now. Nope. My great grand kids are what keep me going. They just live about 15 mind. from here. Thank God. I am trying to stay away from people, and going shopping and then not wanting to shop. Don;'t know what the heck I want. I am also getting off antidepressents that I have been on for probably 40 years. Don't know if that is a good idea or not, but thats what I am doing.
Just take care of you and do what you can and it is okay not to do everything. yep. Might go golfing again today.
Carolyn
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Permalink Reply by John H MOD on
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Carolyn life can be very difficult at times. I am also a depressive and have been on meds for a long time too. Please don't stop taking your meds without first talking to your doctor. It can really mess with your mind. Maybe its time for a change with the meds I know I have had to change one for another. Sometimes they stop working for some reason. The docs don't even know why but it does happen. Enjoy those kids and congratulations on your new one coming. That is exciting.
John
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Permalink Reply by Carolyn on
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Hi John,
Thank you so much for caring. I have talked to a dr. about getting off of meds. One doc said I may be on wrong kind and was supposed to find a physocologist for me, but nope..... Then the other one told me how to get off. I am taking 1/2 a pill this week every day and then should be off. Maybe I will see who I really am after all these years. Don't get me wrong, don't think anything is wrong with them, just don't know what I am supposed to be on..
God bless
Carolyn
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Permalink Reply by Leslie Justice on
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Dear John, I was diagnosed with SCLC a year ago, went through Chemo and radiation. I finished up my treatments in March of this year and am in remissionn. I was fortunate enough to have my husband take over everything, shopping, cleaning, etc. But after a few months I wanted to be back to normal, I hated resting all the time. I started doing small tasks and would then have to rest, I was so frustrated. We live on a remote island in Alaska for the summer and fall. My husband and I are partners in everything, chopping wood, filling the wood boxes, yard work, etc. Couldn't do it this summer, just not enough strength. I felt like I wasn't holding up my end. Through this I finally came to the conclusion it is what it is, I try to do more and more everyday but I learned to know when to quit and ask for help. I'm still at the point if I overdo I'll pay for it for a couple of days. I have found people do want to help, sometimes more than I need.
I know we are all different but people do want to help, just ask. Most people will not want question you when you ask for help.
I guess we are normal, it's part of the healing process.
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